So I'm 10 days in now and I've stayed on diet almost the entire time and managed to shed about 6.5 lbs. Now I've got something to lose if I stop!
This likely sounds like any optimistic two week threshold blog "Hey I'm doing well, this isn't so bad yay! Life is beautiful!" I know what to expect from weeks 4-8 or even sooner. This isn't something I stop. I've got to get back to the bottom. Back to zero.
When you're 250+ lbs people stare at you, your bulk can no longer be concealed by dressing in layers or the right colors. That much meat moving around on it's own is bound to get somone's attention, and I'm really tired of being judged. I didn't get this way because I'm a "bad person", I don't eat 10 tacos or entire pizza's on my own! I feel a little cheated out of really getting to indulge and of course had I known that in a years time I would put on what has to be at least 30lbs whether I exercised the modicome of moderation that I did or simply gave in to the onion ring diet I think different and *far* more satisfying choices would have been made. I digress...
The thing is I *don't* have to kill myself with restrictions and counting my almonds so to speak. I just need to eat good clean food that won't spike my blood-sugar, lots of fiber, vegetables and lean protein.
I eat six times daily (three meals and three small snacks) which works out nicely as I haven't really been hungry yet.
Raegan is mostly onboard, as much as she can be I guess. One problem is that she's still bringing chips and soda into the house after I asked her not to. I explained how hard it was for me to not eat them but that doesn't seem to be enough to convince her to keep them out of the house. She *is* eating the meals with me and even cooked once or twice so I should count my blessings that she's playing along that much. I could write for some time on this topic, i.e. the reasons Raegan doesn't really support or encourage me when I try to lose weight but the answer is just depressing... The bottom line is that she's not happy with me at 250lbs (who would be?) but I don't remember her being any happier when I was 175lbs... time will tell I guess.
When your staring down at the ol' deuce and a half when you step on the scale, it needs to be treated like an addiction to be kicked. Even suffering from what I can only describe as a "soft" addiction to food I still can't give credence to those that find themselves addicted to drugs (legal or illicit). I want to say I understand on some minor level what it is like to have a monkey on your back but even after experiencing almost insatiable cravings for foods that are only going to make my life shorter I still have a hard time not feeling some kind of distain for them. Perhaps it is their weakness I see in myself.
Cravings haven't been that bad so far. A few nights ago I was seriously fighting the urge to drive to the nearest McDonalds and eat a 20 piece chicken nuggets but that is really the only strong one I have had to date. Of course I didn't give in. I've flipped the switch and need to give this an honest try. This isn't beyond me but it will test me.
In other news the trainer is really "working out" so to speak. I have a three full routines to keep me moving during the week. The intensity is very high for me, which is to say I'm moving, pushing, pulling or straining against my body weight for the hour which is no doubt a good thing. I've also added 30-45 minutes of high intensity interval cardio training on an eliptical trainer which does excactly what it should do and I can already feel the positive benifits of regular exercise on my overall cardiovascular health. There is much less wheezing when I go up the stairs, I still can't run like I used to, but I will need to work up to that I guess.
I would love to write something clever about "old casual naked guy" in the gym locker room but I'm not sure if I have the energy left. The punchline is "put some pants on mmmkay, it's a change room not some kind of naked roman senate".
End of line.
"Under my umbrella."
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