Thursday, January 7, 2010

There is nothing sadder than coming back...

All cryptic bullshit aside, I'm heavy again and entirely abandoned my diet and exercise program after the last attempt. One year later, same situation. Although my starting point is a little lower (approx 245 lbs) as opposed to 252 lbs.

I think I'm going to die unless I lose weight. The life insurance company has rated me medically due to increased liver function due to my weight. I snore, and keep my wife up at night, any illusions of self esteem and confidence in my looks is gone.

I have a design flaw, the frame and associated organs and systems were never ment to support this much of me and yet I am so inclinded to pack on the weight if there is even a moment's weakness. I think I'm over being bitter about not being able to eat like a normal human being. Now I'm just scared that I'll die unless I get healthy. With the best case scenario that doesn't include weightloss being a terrible quality of life and a constant yearning to be fit and attractive just one more time.

I wondered what my catalyst was going to be this time, last time it was shame and vanity. Now I'm fighting to save my life.

Lets do it one more time.

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